Southampton Vineyard Church: Part of the Church in Southampton
"We believe that God has called us to nurture a passionate, worshipping family of believers, reaching out to a generation in need."

Thoughts & opinion from the southampton vineyard team

 

Archive for 2007

When things work out different…

by Matt Hyam on 10th December, 2007

Well, I had it all beginning to take shape. I was beginning to see why I had come on sabbatical. I even had an outline for a book…

Then our human torpedo son came flying down a waterslide that was MUCH steeper than any of us realised and hit Di so hard that he broke her wrist. Proper broke it too!

So, now she is incapacitated. She can’t change a nappy, pick up Sam or even take a shower on her own. So much for my contemplative time of reading and prayer and meditation and enjoying nature.

I cannot help feeling that God was not taken by surprise by all this and so he must have some kind of plan in all this. Whatever it is, it means we will be dependent on others for help. It means we are not going to be wondering around the wilds of New Zealand as a family and it probably means that Di will not be diving with Dolphins.

Yesterday I was speaking at the Vineyard West Auckland. The director of Tear Fund New Zealand was there and he showed a short video about Darfur.

When you think about it that way, we’re not suffering at all. Not even a little bit.

So, how do we respond when things work out different from the way we thought? Have they gone wrong or does God have something else..?

I wonder…

by Kay Bowen on 28th November, 2007

After a long break, I was back at the Godly Play classroom in Abingdon.

It felt good to walk into the room. Calm and peaceful, after a frenetic early morning start shipping girls off to school and nursery and sitting in a traffic jam to Winchester. There were 12 of us, which is a good number for Godly play to function well. We were all seasoned ‘players’ as this was a development course, studying some of the new stories which have been written and trialled to ‘fill the gaps’ in the old testament ‘Great Story’. The godly play we do in the Autumn term covers Creation to the Exile, in a very broad brush approach – and these new stories provide some details. The life of Joseph, Abraham, Sarai, Moses, Ruth, Elijah, and Ezekial (who doesn’t often get much of a mention in anything, poor guy).

When training on Godly play with adults who know the stuff, you can get beyond the talking about the process and how/why it works, to actually wondering together. Lots of my conversations about godly play focus on the first, but it is in wondering  together, in being different and seeing something which at first appears opposite to someone else in the circle, which is where the wonder works on everyone. Someone’s thought is offered and it is ok to offer another which follows on, which seems directly contradicting, or is on another tack. There is a respect in the community and a trust in the story which work together. They produce community. A community where people can ask, where no one assumes they know more than another, where people support each other and agree to disagree without that coming to conflict. Where the teacher is as much a learner, genuinely, as the others in the room.

At the end, one of the circle asked if we could all hug before we left.  We all hugged each other and gave each other some encouragement as we went back to our different church families, schools or other settings to use godly play. That is the amazing power of godly play, you can end a day with strangers being friends, with divides being crossed, with difference being made complete.

Baby boom!

by Matt Hyam on 12th November, 2007

I have literally lost count of the number of children we now have in our church. I do know that we will have had FIFTEEN born this year!

This is an amazing time. Fruitful, to be sure!

Here’s my current struggle, as a parent of two amazing boys.

I can’t make it to as much stuff as I used to; and this means that I am not able to get to prayer meetings, or help with support work for CAP or get to help people move so easily or serve others or help them decorate or drop everything to help someone.

I don’t turn up on people’s doorsteps like I used to; and this means that I don’t see anything like as much of my friends as I used to and so I can feel more isolated or unloved or they can feel more isolated and unloved.

Now, I absolutely adore my children and my wife. I think that I have learned more about how much God loves me through them than anything else, so please do not misunderstand me. But here is the thing – we have a church FULL, and I do mean full of people in a similar situation to us.

And that means that most people cannot make it to as much stuff as they used to, and so it is hard to get prayer meetings to happen or get a team of support workers for CAP or get a load of people together to decorate someone’s flat or, or, or… Its not that people’s spirit’s are not willing; its not that the flesh is weak, its just time .

That also means that most people do not turn up on one another’s doorsteps any more. Community has always been what we have done best and yet, let’s be honest, its not how it used to be! I miss my friends who used to turn up and flop round here or whose house we’d just rock up at for a cuppa. I see single people feeling unloved because the onus is always on them to visit and I see families feeling unloved because their friends are in the same situation that they are in and so no one comes round anymore.

What a depressing picture I have just painted. Actually, its a amazing and exciting and fun to be in the middle of but these couple of things keep nagging at me.

How do we still reach out together and serve together and be an outward facing church, when we have a church full of small children? There are many here who do it really well and the children have been releasing in this. If we are honest, most of them are women and most of it happens in the daytime (and there is NOTHING wrong with that) but what about the men and the stuff that needs to be in the evening?

How do we really, honestly maintain genuine community with our lives in common, when we have a church full of small children? Some of the guys here do it really well, but honestly – most don’t (and that includes me) and people are not being loved the way they should.

These are my assumptions:

  • Children are not a burden and so they are not a barrier stopping us from being who we should! The kingdom of God is centred around such as these!
  • We are called, first, to our family and so we shouldn’t be dumping the kids so that we can do “the Lord’s” work.
  • We have to pray together, we have to reach out together, we have to work together, we have to serve together.
  • We have to love one another and live in genuine community.

So how do we do it?

I know that we need to change but that is as far as I have got.

As the deer pants for the water…

by Matt Hyam on 2nd November, 2007

…so my soul longs after you.

But does it? Honestly? Really, truly, hand on heart, no word of a lie?

I am reading the psalms at the moment. Now I like poetry as much as the next man, but I must confess that I’d rather be reading narrative. Anyway, I digress. I read that psalm – and I should be able to quote the reference straight of really. Hang on, I’ll o and look it up in order to be holy about it!

Psalm 42.

Rest assured, I know my bible references. That is what is important, you know. They’ll be a test when Jesus comes back! aha.

Anyway. I read psalm 42 and I thought,”hmmm, I don’t think that I feel like that at the moment.” There have been incredible times when I have felt that way but right now, I don’t think that I do. And I want to.

I read through some more psalms. I have got to say (well, I haven’t but I will, anyway) I am not a big fan of David’s psalms. AARRRRGH. You can’t say that!

Well, I’m just being honest! I think he’s got his head up his backside a bit. Always whinging and complaining and expecting God to get him out of trouble. Its all “me, me, me”. If you don’t see me again, you’ll know that I was struck down by a lightning bolt!

Having said that, what comes up time and time again in his psalms is that he is putting all of his trust in God. That he knows that God will be the one to protect him and get him through.

And then it struck me that I just do not do that. Is prayer my first option? Is Jesus where I go to whinge and moan and kick off – or is it someone else?

Its funny, when we were all praying for Charlie, we knew that there was no other option. We knew that if God didn’t do it, then it was not going to happen.

Why oh why oh why, do we need to be brought to the place that we have run out of options before we turn to God. Maybe it is not “we”. May be it is just “me”

I keep remembering a song that we used to sing in our early, early days. The first line went:

Give us back our first love, like the love when we first knew

So,thats me right now. I don’t want to be so busy doing “God’s work” that I miss God. I don’t want to be so wrapped up in stuff that I cannot see Jesus. I don’t want to find my strength from TV or videos or books or even sleep.

I want to be like a panting deer again!

Keeping safe

by Matt Hyam on 4th October, 2007

Please excuse me not having written for a while. I’ve been on holiday.

Yes thank you, a lovely time, since you ask. The weather was not as good as it could have been but was still nice but I did not get as much water skiing (I say, “water skiing, as opposed to just “skiing” because, apparently, there’s another kind) as I’d have liked.

Still, its a bonus to get back and find the water flat and the sun still shining. I may be perusaded to put on a wetsuit for my next ski though!

Anyway, enough about my leisure activities.

I am still reading “The Irresistible Revolution” STILL!? ‘Fraid so. Two small children, you see. The younger is still not sleeping through the night and so reading has become a luxury! I’m trying to listen to lots of stuff though when I’m in the car. Anyway. I’m still reading it and it is still really messing me up. In a good way. Not a comfortable way or a way that I can say I am enjoying even at all but more like when you put TCP on a spot and it really hurts but you know its doing you good!

Boy, I am rabbiting this morning!

Anyway. Here’s some more quotes to think about today.

“I had a college professor who said, ‘All around you, people will be tiptoeing through life, just to arrive at death safely. But dear children, do not tiptoe. Run, hop, skip, or dance, just don’t tiptoe.’ In my youth group days, I had seen too many wild would-be Jesus radicals fall by the wayside because they had never been trusted with the adventure of revolutionary living”

“…recently [my mother] told me,’I have come to see that we Christians are not called to safety, but we are promised that God will be with us when we are in danger, and there is no better place to be than in the hands of God.’ Perhaps the most dangerous place for a Christian to be is in safety and comfort

It made me think. What can I say, they have a volvo. Last yearI remember a conversation in which she was involved with some waterskiing friends. We were discussing just how many things you need to be thinking about whilst you’re skiing – weight on the front foot, back arm straight, ski wide round the buoy, slow turn, wait for the ski to turn etc etc. My mother-in-law then chipped in, “and staying safe”.

It always stuck with me because, actually, when you are concerned with staying safe, you automatically adopt a defensive body position – you bend in the middle and put weight on your back foot, which actually, leaves you extremely vulnerable to injury and very likely to fall. I can vouch for this having twice broken ribs skiing.

Actually, much of teaching waterkskiing is about teaching people to overcome their natural inclination to stay safe. That is why it is so unnatural (as if be dragged across the water at 60mph on a stick wasn’t unnatural enough anyway!) If you concentrate on trusting what you are told and skiing properly and do not worry about staying safe – then that is the safest way to ski.

So, stay safe!

humbled, amazed

by Matt Hyam on 5th September, 2007

I don’t want to tell too much of the story because, in a sense, it is not mine to tell – I shall let Duncan tell it.

However, I will tell a little.  The last few days has been one of incredible grace, amazing miracles and community in unity.

Charlie and Daisy were born on Tuesday, 28th August.  Charlie had a traumatic birth which left him with very little chance of survival and if he did, he was certain to be severely brain damaged to the degree that he may well have been on life-support for his entire life.  This is my understanding – excuse me if the facts are slightly wrong here.

I have never known our church to gather round and pray like they have done this week.  Friends and family were contacted and people all over the world were praying a fasting for this little baby and a miracle.  I spoke to Pastor Sam – our dear friend in India – and he told me that all of his orphanages were praying and fasting for Charlie.  We had two days as a church praying and fasting.

I’ll be honest, I really did not expect what happened.

Basically, this little boy looks like he’s going to make it.  Its going to be a long road and he could still be disabled to some degree or another.  But, in the words of the consultant, “this is nothing short of a miracle”! (I am actually wondering whether the fact that the consultant admitted this or Charlie’s healing is the biggest miracle!)

I am left humbled and amazed at God and at our church.  We’ve learned a lot about prayer this week.

I really hope so, anyway!

uncomfortable

by Matt Hyam on 28th August, 2007

I’m still reading “The Irresistible Revolution”. I have to say that this is the most uncomfortale book I have read in a loooooong time!

Here’s some quotes that spring out to me:

“When we are trying to teach kids not to hit each other and they see a government use voilence to bring about change, we start to consider what it means to give witness to a peace that is not like the world gives (John 14:27)”

“I heard that Gandhi, when people asked him if he was a Christian, would often reply, ”Ask the poor. They will tell you who the Christians are’”

“When we truly discover love, capitalism will not be possible and Marxism will not be necessary”

“The early Christians taught that charity is merely returning what we have stolen…

“The early Christians used to write that when they did not have enough food for the hungry people at their door, the entire community would fast until everyone could share a meal together…[they] said that if a child starves while a Christian has extra food, then the Christian is guilty of murder”

I told you it was uncomfortable. easy to brush aside, though – if we are so disposed! Hmmm.

post modernity, post christendom, post a letter

by Matt Hyam on 6th August, 2007

I’ve just finished Brian MacLaren’s book – “A New Kind of Christian” last week. I’ve been listening to it on audio CD on account of not seeming to have any time to sit down and read – see item on 13 July (running on empty).

Its pretty good. If I had read it five years ago, I’d probably be saying that it was amazing. Its just that I have read many books saying similar things.

I have just had this “thing” buzzing round my head since I finished it, especially in the llight of reading “The Irresistible Revolution”. I have been thinking about how much time iis spent nowadays discussing how we “do” church (whether in the light of post-modernity, or post-Christendom or whatever)

I just cannot help thinking that God is not that interested in how we do church. I think that he is completely obsessed with what church is actually for! I wonder whether if we focussed on what we are actually here for – Matt 28 – making disicples; Luke 4:18,19 – releasing the oppressed etc, then “church” will shape itself.

I think that I don’t like the term “doing” church very much. I prefer being church. So, how we are church should be the inevitable result of “the Spirit of the Sovereign Lord” being on us and us being ambassadors of Christ. I guess that this is the same as what Steve Chalke says in “Intelligent church” – our understanding of Christ shaping our mission, which in turn shapes our church (and not the other way round, as in most cases).

What am I babbling on about? Well, I have just been thinking about people like the Church of the Saviour, Shane Claiborne, Mother Teresa, Pastor Sam (our friend in Tamil Nadu), India, Kathy and Keith (our friends in Zimbabwe) and Paul of Tarsus, and, while we’re on it, Jesus!

How do/did any of these people do church? I have no idea! Who cares? We know almost nothing about how Jesus did meetings. We have one record of him singing a hymn. Paul gives us some clues on doing meetings, but it is mainly about being considerate and letting everyone contribute (1 Cor 12-14).

The thing is that church is meant to be body of Christ in action. Its like we have got so focussed on body building that this has become our goal. I spend a lot of the winter trying to do some weights and stay fit (ish) so that I can waterski better. The training is for a purpose and not for its own sake.

Maybe, we should build the body for a purpose? If we lose sight of the purpose then what are we doing? I wonder whether the problem starts when we are only building the body for vanity’s sake!

Surely, God will judge us by who we were in Christ and this, according to James, will be shown by what we did in the name of Christ. Not how we met or structured things in the name of Christ.

I look at some of the great people throughout history who just got on with it. They are the ones we need to listen to. It is an interesting observation how many of them historically and currently are catholics. How funny that the oldest, least post-modern, post-Christendom denomination seems to include the most radical saints (obviously this is not true of all catholics and also it is not true that all non-catholics are not radical). They just get on with it.

I have found Shane Claiborne’s book hard to read because it is not just interesting theory – he’s living it. It makes me uncomfortable. I think that I need to spend less time having interesting intellectual conversations and be made even more uncomfortable.

Nice.

I’ll look forward to that then.

where are these children now?

by Kay Bowen on 27th July, 2007

Recently I read a piece on nurturing children’s spirituality – which I think is what we are trying to do in our kids work ways. Nothing new, just reminded me that for children, God is as real and normal as mum or dad. That whether a being is visible or invisible is not as much of a big deal for children as it is for adults, and that our task is to protect and preserve that position, and give children a vocabulary to share their experiences and questions, rather than to give them answers.

When I did my Godly play training course, the question I asked was ‘ Where are these children now?’ Surely, my brain said, children brought up on a diet of open dialogue, big questions, creative and personal reflection  and so on, should be living in a different world to the rest of us as adults by now? Surely they would all be calm, reflective, godly adults who are like I want to be – like Jesus. I was told that lots of people asked that question, and Jerome Berryman (Godly Play founder) answers: ‘Well I married 4 of them’. Not as in, he is married to 4 people, but in that they came back to him as adults to ask him to officiate at their weddings. I don’t think that was really enough for me. I wanted to hear that they were changing the world! That those children who had grown up on GP were out there making it a better place in up front and newsworthy ways. But that is just where I and Godly play, and indeed I and Jesus, slip apart.

Jesus tells the leper to show himself to the priest, present the offering needed and then go home quietly. A life changing moment, a meeting with Jesus, a childhood rich with meetings with Jesus in the calm of a godly play classroom – and Jesus just says to go home? ‘My ways are not like your ways’, Isaiah 55.. is my reading this week. How unlike God’s ways are my ways. I want people to be upfront, noisy and out there forging ahead with making a massive difference for the poor and the oppressed. But Jesus says to keep quiet and go home. That first godly play cohort of children, now adults… just getting on with the everyday stuff of getting married, living, working, probably nit combing their children’s hair every night like I am right now. But we are all changed, in turning to go home, in embracing the ordinary mess of everyday life, in little ways that no one else sees, that is where ‘a seed grows into a tree so big that all the birds come and make their homes in its branches’.

The irresistible revolution

by Matt Hyam on 26th July, 2007

My dear friend the doctor (Eric Sandras – see below) has been banging on at me for sometime to read this book – The Irresistible Revolution – by Shane Claiborne.

Irresistable Revolution

So I bought it. Wow. What a great book. It is messing me up and making me feel sad and more than a little guilty. You have to read it.

Here’s some great bits that have stuck out at me:

“Another World is not only possible, she is on her way. On a quiet day, I can hear her breathing” - this is a quote from Arundhati Roy.

“I am still passionately pro-life. I just have a more holistic sense of what it means to be for life, knowing that life does not jyst begin at conception and end at birth, and that if I am going to discourage abortion, I had better be redy to adopt some babies and care for some mothers”

“Two guys are talking to each other, and one of them says he has a question for God. He wants to know why God allows all this poverty and war and suffering to exist in the world. And his friend says, ‘Well, why don’t you ask?’ The fellow shakes his head and says he is scared. When his friend asks why, he mutters, ‘I’m scared God will ask me the same question”

These are just from the first two chapters! I have a feeling that there may be more to come.

It is much easier reading a book about God’s heart for the poor written by someone who thinks its really important (theorectically) or by someone who is actually doing it, but lives in India or Africa where the culture is so different, or someone who did actualy do it but died fifty years ago when the world was different, than it is reading a book written by someone today, living it out and being genuinely radical and genuinely counter-cultural in a western society.

It got me thinking. Recently I spoke at the Vineyard Prayer Network weekend at Swanwick. It was weird for me because I’d been there before – 12 years ago – speaking at a conference for 17-25year olds. I remember it so clearly. I spoke about Daniel and how the way that the Babylonians defeated the young princes and leaders of Israel was not to kill them or imprison them but to smother them with comfort and luxury and wealth and turn them into Babylonians. Only Daniel, Hananiah, Mishael and Azariah refused.

I remember saying how now, while we have nothing, and this nothing to lose, we have the real chance to set up a radical lifestyle that will go on for ever before we get weighed down with the “stuff” the world throws at us and with mortgages and payments and responsibilities and ikea furniture and nice cars and two holidays a year and respectibility and we suddenly turn round and realise (or maybe we never will) we have been turned into Babylonians.

I remember a church leader around that time telling me that “you cannot build a church with students because they are too idealistic”. I have thought about that lots and lots and lots since then. The only conclusion that I can come to is this. You cannot be too idealistic, you can only be too hypocritical to follow through your ideals!

I’m not even a quarter of the way through it and I am beginning to wonder whether I am too hypocritcal to follow through the ideals that I had twelve years ago standing in front of a load of young potential leaders telling them not to get onto the treadmill. Am I too far down the treadmill to go back?

So, back to the book. You’d better read it. Maybe if you do it quickly then put it away, that “I really ought to be different from this and there really must be more to life than this” feeling will fade away.

Or maybe not. God willing.




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